Okay, this is really getting on my nerves. Who keeps letting these slithering fools access the data archives of my state-of-the-art monkey research lab? Like, come on! This is the third time this week alone! Unless we find the culprit, we're really going to need to amp up the security of our firewalls, and if we somehow don't, our secrets will inevitably compromised by these insolent buffoons! I've had enough!
Alright, so here's what we're going to do. All you slackers in the mailroom will be assigned mandatory monkey invasion defense protocol training, no questions asked. If any of you pull any fibs to get time off, you'll be cut from payroll immediately. Next, our analysts in the C13 division will recall equipment orders and examine all incoming goods to detect any remaining simiiformes who snuck their way past the border. Finally, I want all of the Erlenmeyer glasses replaced by tomorrow morning; somebody's been cooking up a storm during their lunch periods recently, and the smell is starting to become unbearable.
With all that out of the way, I needn't remind all of you how important our research is to the future of advanced monkey eugenics, as I've done so numerous times in the past. Instead of reiterating once again, I just ask that all of you take time out of your days to listen for new updates to our employee training broadcast on channel BSD-76 to get your acts up to speed. Remember, you are our most valuable assets, and the sanctity of monkey research ordains that you take your jobs seriously.
Renklov Strivolsky Bolbrousser III
Charles, I need you to stop blasting lo-fi hip-hop beats in the cryostasis chambers; it bothers the monkeys.