Fig. 1: This Cheapo Fool
Alright, we've got a problem. We're really going to need some help decoding this ancient gorilla cipher we found in Donkey Kong Country. Our experts in the field have been able to translate most of the monkey limbo-jimbo, and it appears as if Funky Kong is attempting to partake in illicit action by selling these nineteen fifty-six Ultra-Power Honda BMW Mario Kart Motor Machines way over the market standard. It's completely bogus. No righteousness to be found here, man. If we don't find Funky Kong's coordinates soon, some unfortunate sap is going to get swindled, big time.
Fig. 2: You Getting Swindled, Big Time.
From what has been ascertained thus far, Funky Kong is most likely holding out in Japan, and we can't pinpoint exactly where he may be (in Japan, that is). That's where you come in, citizen. In order to track down this slick simian, we're going to need your help! Submit any potential evidence you may have (from Japan) to the PO box 456001 and we'll compensate you with a sample of thallium-laced licorice candy and your choice of four third-party Amiibo figurines: Batman, Superman, Aquaman, and Gex. This is an incredibly tantalizing offer of the super radical sort, and we suggest you take full advantage of it. We really need some leads here, man. Funky Kong cannot get away with this.